Where’s the Beef?

By the time, I figured out that my childhood Norman Rockwell holidays were the exception not the rule, I was well into my 20s. And while my holiday memories are aglow with warmth & merriment, I am sure it wasn’t as perfect as my vision. Plus, I was clueless. I actually asked my mom why my divorced grandparents didn’t spend holidays together.

Misunderstandings and hurt feelings often stem from how we prefer to make decisions. Each of us is hardwired with a preference to make decisions in one of two ways. You are either a Thinker “T” (you prefer to make decisions based on objective logic) or a Feeler “F” (you prefer to make decisions based on subjective value systems picked up throughout your life that are not always logical). Sometimes the way you prefer to make decisions can rub someone the wrong way, other times it’s like velvet, and sometimes it’s like dynamite (KABOOM!)

In Pixie Type, the T and F are what separate Organics from Smarts. And it’s what separates Classic Freedom from its Structure counterpart and ditto for Fun Freedoms. And again, it’s a preference, not an absolute, i.e., Feelers can make objective decisions and Thinkers can make subjective ones. Being a Feeler has nothing to do with having more feelings. Neither Ts or Fs have a lock on emotional superiority and yes, you can hurt a Ts feelings.

To help you keep it together this holiday, try to figure out which one your most annoying relative is by using these stereotypes: Ts tend to put people’s feelings aside when making a decision. As a result, they’re frequently seen as clear headed in a crisis but equally maligned for accidentally tromping on people’s feelings. Fs on the other hand often put feelings before logic when making a decision. This is fantastic when they’re putting your feelings first but Fs can just as easily put their feelings first and logic be damned (KAPOW!) The main stereotype is that F’s often overreact to things and Ts often under react or appear cold & unsupportive.

This holiday, when you’re grinding your teeth after some relative gives you a back handed compliment, “You look great. Did you put on weight?” Think about whether they are a T or a F (actually, scratch that, first assess whether they’re crazy because if so then just tune it out). A T seriously might mean it as a compliment if you look great and the extra weight is the reason for it. Now as for a Feeler, well, that depends on their subjective value system. If it’s your Italian or Jewish mother-in-law, she might actually mean it as an compliment. Eat, you’re too skinny!!