Only the Lonely

Dear Katie & Kelly

My friend is incapable of being dishonest but she often hurts my feelings inadvertently. Should I say something to her?

Sincerely,

Hurt in Houston

Dear Hurt,

This reminds us of a fantastic movie with Maureen O’Hara and John Candy. “Only the Lonely”. Ms. O’Hara played an Irish mother, Rose, who” told it like it is”.

Rose: Oh, that’s a lovely dress you wearing. Danny: Isn’t it? Theresa: Oh, thank you! Rose: Even though it is a little big on top. Danny: Ma! Rose: Well, it is, you said so yourself. Danny: Ma! Theresa: No, no that’s a problem I have, I’m not really that endowed on top. Danny: No, no, no, no, no. Rose: You’re built like a thirteen year old boy.

Some people can get away with telling it like it is — The Dowager Countess on “Downton Abby” so aptly played by Dame Maggie Smith — and some people cannot — Rose in “Only the Lonely”. Frankly, the main reason the dowager gets away with her comments is Americans seem more prone to take offense to digs in a way the English slough off.

There’s nothing wrong with letting your friend know he or she has hurt your feelings. They’ll likely say something like, “That wasn’t my intention.” then you say, “I know. It never is but sometimes when you tell it like it is, it just hurts no matter what your intention and I wanted you to know. Sometimes I might not need to know the absolute truth.” It might give them pause or it’ll fall on deaf ears. If it’s the latter, spend less time with them. Life’s too short to see people who make you feel badly.

All our best,

Katie & Kelly