Bethany Beach, DE

So, we’re not allowed to surf, fish, play ball, frolick with dogs, or use any kind of inflatable or floating device in the ocean, but the lifeguards are somehow allowed to blast their crappy music at ear numbing decibels. Yeah, not loving Delaware so much.

I am spoiled. I am a spoiled ocean front girl. I have no idea why anyone would go to the beach if they’re not going to have an unspoiled ocean front view from their house. Especially since there are so many houses packed up to the gills along the ocean. Like I really want to come to the beach and stare at tons of houses. Many of them empty.

Sigh. With Bayhead, at least, I was staying in a beautiful, if weathered, 100 year old hotel in a quaint little town that had historic homes that were pretty to look at, plus a main drag that was far away and home towny. I had pretty much NO view, and what I could see were those quaint old houses, mixed in with a few “developer” specials. But Bayhead is beautiful, and I would love to own an ocean front home there, (especially since it’s only an hour away from the city) but it would put me back about 5 million. Not going to be able to do that anytime soon.

So when I was a kid, we went down to the Cape Hatteras National Seashore in North Carolina. Ocean front, but one helluva long walk to the beach. And back in the free and easy 70’s, this oceanfront house had NO AC. But I have no memory of being hot, so go figure. What I do remember was gorgeous dunes, golden sea oats fluttering in the wind. Scary sounding wind whistling through the windows late at night and the creaking of the house as it swayed slightly on the stilts it was perched on, in case a hurricane made the ocean devastate the dunes and the surf actually came in the football field length of space between the ocean and our house. Come to think if it, this is probably why I have stress dreams about the ocean coming to get me. Anyway, it was untouched and beautiful and it is what I think of when I think of the ocean.

And in North Carolina? Things are relaxed. Down on the national seashore in the 70’s there were no lifeguards. You could have your dog running around off a leash, fly a kite, take a raft out into the rolling waves and catch a ride. It was idyllic and beautiful and it looks pretty much the same today, except for a few more houses.

So, fast forward to this week’s vacation in Bethany Beach Delaware. Apparently there is some town center, similar to Bayhead, that is quaint and historic. Unfortunately it’s not where our house is, so we have yet to see it. I did get to see downtown Rehobeth Beach last night, which was historic, reminded me a little of Ocean Grove, NJ, except for all the bars, and the throngs of people, ready to go bar hopping on a Saturday night near the ocean. Plus the big main avenue, double laned thoroughfare with no left turns (!!) that was perpendicular to and ending at the ocean.

So far, we’re looking at a very big and wide beach, with newly seeded dunes that look like a bad/new hair transplant job. And then the house we’re in, we think its stilts have been recently enclosed. They are big thick pylons and if they weren’t enclosed, it might make sense to coat them in a thick layer of oil/tar like substance called creosote. This is a waterproofing, HIGHLY FLAMMABLE, substance that is used on railroad ties and telephone poles. Inside of a house? Even if it’s just the garage? Yeah, the whole place smells like creosote, whose fumes are carcinogenic in animals, and suspected of being so in humans. It’s a regulated substance, and seriously, one carelessly tossed cigarette? Poof. Up in smoke! We won’t get into what kind of personality type the owner of this house must be (but they do have labels and instructions everywhere.)

On the beach, my sister put a coast guard approved life jacket on her 2 year old son, so she wouldn’t have to STAND the whole time she is on the beach with him (because he has a habit of sprinting to the ocean shore and flinging himself into the surf) But the lifeguards told her she wasn’t allowed because if he somehow got sucked into a wave, the jacket would bring him to the top of the wave (right, so he wouldn’t drown) and then drop him onto the, um, shore? I’m not sure why he isn’t allowed to wear one and neither is Kelly, but she did tell him, “So if my son drowns, I sue you?” I told her to ignore them, but easier said than done. Also, no dogs, no kites, no fishing, no ball playing and no surfing and no inflatable devices. What the F are we supposed to do?! Ah the nanny state in action.

So, even if town is unbearable cute, I hardly think we are ever coming here, ever again. Long Beach Island in NJ is closer, has less rules and I trust a life jacket will save the life of my child if she gets sucked into a wave, or even worse, a rip tide, and the life guard — too busy listening to his LOUD BOOM BOX ! — will even notice. I actually watched one kid get pounded by a wave, and had trouble getting up. I watched him to make sure he was okay, but if I was a life guard in charge of keeping people safe? I would have made friggin sure that kid was fine.

So. Delaware’s Beaches? Not a big fan.