Can an ENFJ and ISFJ Get Along?

As part of an ongoing series, we want to help cohabitating couples with clashing personality types learn to live together in organized harmony. While it may not be easy from the outgoing and tidy, but not too clean ENFJ, to the introverted, neat-freak (we say that with love) ISFJ- with a lot of compromises and understanding it can be done! Remember that this is a person you love and care about deeply, even if their habits make you crazy. Here is how!

All About ISFJ (Pixie Type: Classic Freedom)

As most of you know, the Myers-Briggs system was integral in our creation of the four pixie types. There are 16 different Myers-Briggs personality types, all identified by different letter combinations. These letters are E/I, S/N, T/F, and J/P. They stand for Extraversion versus Introversion, Sensing versus Intuition, Thinking versus Feeling and Judging versus Perceiving. ISFJ stands for Introversion, Sensing, Feeling and Judging. Traits of ISFJ personality types are:

• Supportive
• Reliable
• Patient
• Observant
• Enthusiastic
• Loyal
• Hard-Working

ISFJ’s are tidy, punctual, warm, thoughtful, nurturing, and efficient. You are the underpinnings of society and often the grease that keeps those gears humming. You are value-based, subjective decision makers. 10 people need to be fired or your firm that you built from the ground up goes under? You’re torn up about it and more indecisive than usual as you weigh the pros and cons and put off what has to be done while figuring out how to minimize the pain. You base decisions on past experience and how things will impact others.

So, can an ISFJ and an ENFJ live in harmony? Yes, but it’s gonna take some work. You’re on the same page when it comes to planning and getting things done, but you part ways when it comes to details of tidying and cleaning. The problem with cleaning is that your ENFJ housemate is not bothered by the details of a mess as quickly as you are. A kitchen can be left a little untidy for longer before it bugs them, or piles on a surface can go unnoticed for days. ENFJs know that these things should be taken care of they just don’t prioritize the finer details as much as you do. You can try to communicate your organizational likes and dislikes to them and they’ll do the same, but chances are that yours will be more exacting than theirs. Often, to get your home to your own standards, the onus will fall upon you unless you find basic broad compromises that work for both of you. Too many rules and an ENFJ will ignore them altogether.

All About ENFJ (Pixie Type: Organic Structure)

ENFJs (or Pixie Type: Organic Structure) prefer to live life in a scheduled and structured way. This means you use a Day Planner of some sort and like a tidy house even if it isn’t always perfect. Your piles around the house are usually planned. You like routines and generally stick to them. ENFJ stands for Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling and Judging. Traits of ENFJ personality types are:

• Tolerant
• Reliable
• Charismatic
• Natural Leaders
• Selfless
• Sensitive
• Idealistic

When it comes to your ISFJ roommate you’ve just got to stand up for yourself and let them know what works for you. First, insist on visible storage options. They need to know that you can’t have everything hidden away. When things are behind closed doors and in bins, you can forget about them if you’re not accessing them frequently. ISFJs have a visual memory and know almost exactly where everything is in their house, especially if they created the system. Transparent bins behind closed doors are a good compromise; if bins are out in the open, you can have opaque bins but they absolutely must be labeled. Often you can get ISFJs to agree to transparent bins out in the open. At the end of the day, they want the clutter and mess to be contained. It’s why they’ll combine a few piles into one big pile- something ENFJs can’t stand. They’re trying to minimize the mess. You need to have your own piles in labeled bins when living with an ISFJ, or they’ll mess with them even after you’ve pleaded with them not to.

ENFJs like a clear surface as much as the next person but they are also practical. Things need to reside on surfaces sometimes, and you like to have them out so they are readily available. Find out what surfaces absolutely have to be clear for your ISFJ housemate. Hash out a workable compromise as to where you can leave things out in areas that are helpful for you. ISFJs also nitpick when you don’t immediately put something back where it belongs so try to keep this in mind if you want to avoid an argument.

Having problems with a housemate who has different organizational goals than you? Buy our book and learn how to bring harmony back to your house!