Classic Luvvahs

I joke that since my husband and I are both Classic Freedoms (SFJs), it’s remarkable we ever even have disagreements. But then the fact that we do have disagreements is a great illustration of how having the same personality type doesn’t mean you’re the same PERSON. Plus, no matter who we’re with, we all have our relationship Achilles’ heels. 

I will say that having the same personality type as your wife/husband/partner does make daily living easier than being polar opposites. As Classics (SJs), my husband and I both like to keep a neat house, our threshold for messiness is in the same zip code, we love to check things off our To Do list, and we make social plans well in advance. So, truly we don’t have a lot to fight about because we are so alike. It’s just by no means some Utopic relationship.   

Ironically, our Achilles’ heels is that we both hate fighting and so avoid it. But, this can lead to misunderstandings and secretly hurt feelings. There’s a great book called “16 Ways to Love Your Lover” by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen where I picked up some of this week’s tidbits

Classic Freedoms (SFJs):

Extroverts (ESFJs) tend to sweep things under the rug to avoid fighting at any cost. Kroeger & Thuesen counsel you not to be afraid to fight —the world will not end. You might just find that you’ll be happier having resolved the issue than brushing it under the rug where it might just come back to haunt you. As for Introverts (ISFJs), their advice is to be more assertive — my husband is probably laughing so hard right now that water is coming out of his nose. As an ISFJ, raised by an INTJ, I’ve learned how to be QUITE assertive. But, there are times in business and in friendships where I DO have trouble being committed to duty over what I really want to do.

Classic Structures (STJs):

Extroverts (ESTJs) need to remember to be direct in showing their feelings. Apparently you guys have a habit of giving a compliment and then pairing it with an insult, “You’re all right for an old coot. ” Their advice? Learn to simply say, “I love you,” Instead. Introverts (ISTJs)? Their advice is pretty similar but for different reasons. Remind yourself to say “I love you” at least once a week and remember to praise people for good behavior that you simply expect. Just because you expect it, doesn’t mean it’s easy for you.

As a Classic (SJ), I often jokingly refer to Funs as amazing shape shifters because they can be flexible and laidback but then also super practical. So with their ability to blend, I figured they might not even have relationship Achilles’ heels. Until I read this piece of personality advice intended for introverted Fun Freedoms (ISFPs): “Use words.” Wow. Ouch. I think I only thought that was insulting because it’s what I say to my 3 year old at least 10 times a day but the advice was actually spot on. The advice is from “16 Ways to Love Your Lover” by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen and if you can get past the cheesy title, there are a ton of golden nuggets in there.