Death & Parties

Dear Katie and Kelly,

I had planned to have my husband’s birthday party with a bunch of his closest friends and their wives in a couple of weeks but one of his best buddies’ dads suddenly died. They were really close so naturally he’s devastated. We went to the funeral a couple of days ago and now my quandary is whether I should go ahead with the birthday dinner or not. I fear if my husband asks him, he’ll muck it up somehow.

Sincerely,

Sad in Saratoga

Dear Sad,

Death hits everyone differently and losing a parent is a doozy. So it’s best to ask the people closest to the loss and defer to their wishes rather than do what you think is best. In your scenario — it’s not your closest friend but rather your husband’s— we wouldn’t go direct to the source. It’s legit to leave the birthday boy out of it as you’re throwing the party, not him. We’d write to/call his wife and ask her opinion. Sometimes cheerful events are a great distraction from our intense grief and sometimes they’re too much to handle. Depends on the personality and the situation. Hopefully his wife will know what will soothe his soul or ask him for you. Either way it’s not your call, but theirs.

All our best,

Katie & Kelly