Emotional Clutter

My favorite article in this issue was about emotional clutter. All types are going to struggle with this to some degree, just in different ways and for different reasons. In “The Heavies,” on page 168 of this month’s Oprah, Paige Williams (possibly an Organic) writes about these talismans she has kept throughout her life and through multiple moves and reincarnations — most are reminders of mistakes, regret, and failure — and they weigh her down.

Ms. Williams eventually lets go of many of these talismans, but she also learns to celebrate others — like her friend’s published books that used to make her feel bad about herself for not being published yet. But what I love most about this story, however, is that it shows us how hard it is to let go of our stuff and how we have an unnatural attachment to things. We’ve worked with so many people and I’m always amazed by what they hold onto and why. We’re of the opinion that if it makes you feel good, then you keep it. If it makes you feel bad, y’know like the photo album from your first failed marriage? Time to chuck it!

One of the side bars actually has scientific evidence that the longer we actually physically hold stuff, the more attached we become to it. Which is another reason for eliciting help when you do a major de-clutter. If someone else is holding up a broken, ugly lamp that your great-aunt gave you, it’s much easier to throw out if you’re not the one touching it. So you best friend makes a face, or even better, a nice professional raises her eyebrows? If you’ve been going through stuff for longer than an hour, chances are that ugly lamp is off to the dumpster.

And while you might think that Organics, Classic Freedoms and Smart Freedoms would hold onto more things for emotional reasons, all types do it; only the reasons seem to differ.

We had one client who was a Classic Structure, logical and practical, and rightly so, she held onto a gorgeous mid-century desk from her beloved grandfather even though her husband didn’t like it. But she also held onto three, completely empty, old and unused three ring binders. But I didn’t question her, because I was holding the binders and they obviously reminded her of her grandfather and she had thrown out tons of stuff without a blink. Even though they were old, they were perfectly usable should one actually need a three ring binder. 

So, emotional clutter is very individual and the best way to know if it’s time to chuck something is to get a second opinion, to really dig deep as to why you’re holding onto something. A lot of time when a client is waffling, we give them a transition box, a place to hold those things they aren’t sure about. Sure you’ve still got a box of stuff that might become clutter, but the next time you go through stuff you’ll know what to do.