Good Night, Sleep Tight!

This week we are sharing with you the top five books that changed our lives and made them easier. First up is The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight. Oooh boy, is there anything worse than the sleep deprivation that is also known as parenthood? It was particularly brutal for me, because I couldn’t stand to hear the little boogie cry and neither could my husband. So on the days that I could actually do it, he would cave. Not a good pair.

I seriously tried everything. Went to Barnes and Noble and parked my butt down on the floor in front of the parenting section. I swear I devoured every single book there was. I don’t have the stomach for Ferber and Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solution was murder on my back, and my kid was too damn clever for it. I’d cradle her down into her crib and then boom, up she would pop the minute she hit the sheets. Like that friggin toy.

Now, I do believe that sleep training isn’t for everyone. I think usually personality types like myself tend towards attachment parenting, a.k.a. the family bed and co-sleeping. And all the power to you and them. Types like Organic Freedoms, Smart Freedoms and Funs often embrace that lifestyle.

And frankly that was my goal as a parent, but then I actually became a parent and the sleep deprivation was literally ruining my ability to be a good mom during the day. So, while, co-sleeping made me crazy ass skinny — 127 pounds baby — it wasn’t working for me and I needed to sleep. Then I read an article in Parenting magazine and it was like the writer had dipped into my head and described my experience putting young Dorothy to bed every night. I was floored with identification. What was even better — she had a solution that worked. Kim West, a.k.a., The Sleep Lady.

At the time, way back in 2003, Kim only had a pamphlet that I quickly purchased. Using the magazine article and that pamphlet, I began employing her methods. She is big on assessing the personality style of your individual child (yeah! personality type matters with sleep stuff!) I remember the pediatrician telling me that Dorothy was unusually alert — and that would be her to this day. The Sleep Lady was the first sleep specialist I read who not only took kids’ personalities into account, but also adresssed how hard it was to let them cry in a dark room by themselves. And she had a solution. Let them cry with you by their side in the dark room. A couple of long nights lying next to a Pac N’ Play and Dorothy started sleeping for more than two hours in a row for the first time ever. Within a week she was sleeping through.

But then I got pregnant. Exhausted, I fell into old patterns, lying down with Dorothy every night. Then Meredith was born and she would scream bloody murder if I put her down in her crib, so I um, was going a little crazy. By that point I had the book, but was too sleep deprived to know where or who to start with. So I hired her. It’s a bargain compared to the sleeplessness and desperation! I filled out a form, spent the equivalent of a dinner for two in NYC, had an 90 minute initial phone session and then made a date to get started.

First off, through the questionnaire I realized that Meredith actually had a mild form of reflux, which I had unknowingly treated by keeping her upright in a swing. A trip to the pediatrician and some Prevacid and she was lying flat no problem. We worked on Meredith first as she was still in a crib, and she would scream worse if I was in the room with her, so I left that little sweetie pie alone and she drifted off with no issues. Then we got Dorothy back on track with the Sleep Lady shuffle, which involves 3 days by the bed, 3 days by the door, etc. until she was going to sleep on her own. And every morning I would have positive reinforcement from phone sessions with Kim. Like a sleep whisperer for parents!

Now I do believe sleep training comes easier to the practical personality types like Classics and Funs, but the Organic Structures and Smart Structures are going to perhaps drift towards it more because they need structure in their outside world. You would think that the types who make subjective, value based systems would have a harder time with the crying, but I think there are just too many factors that come from our childhoods to make any blanket statements about that. How you were raised, how you liked being raised, and how you think children should be raised now are much more powerful influencers than anything else personality type wise when it comes to kids crying alone in dark rooms.

Kelly and I are opposite personality types and we both like to sleep alone, we were also raised the same way, liked how we were raised and have pretty similiar values when it comes to childrearing. So the key is to listen to your inner voice and own it. If your instinct is telling you to sleep with the kid and you are able to function then relax and enjoy! But if you feel guilty and are only letting them sleep with you out of exhaustion and desperation, then give The Sleep Lady a whirl. 

This week we are sharing with you the top five books that changed our lives and made them easier. First up is The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight. Oooh boy, is there anything worse than the sleep deprivation that is also known as parenthood? It was particularly brutal for me, because I couldn’t stand to hear the little boogie cry and neither could my husband. So on the days that I could actually do it, he would cave. Not a good pair.

I seriously tried everything. Went to Barnes and Noble and parked my butt down on the floor in front of the parenting section. I swear I devoured every single book there was. I don’t have the stomach for Ferber and Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solution was murder on my back, and my kid was too damn clever for it. I’d cradle her down into her crib and then boom, up she would pop the minute she hit the sheets. Like that friggin toy.

Now, I do believe that sleep training isn’t for everyone. I think usually personality types like myself tend towards attachment parenting, a.k.a. the family bed and co-sleeping. And all the power to you and them. Types like Organic Freedoms, Smart Freedoms and Funs often embrace that lifestyle.

And frankly that was my goal as a parent, but then I actually became a parent and the sleep deprivation was literally ruining my ability to be a good mom during the day. So, while, co-sleeping made me crazy ass skinny — 127 pounds baby — it wasn’t working for me and I needed to sleep. Then I read an article in Parenting magazine and it was like the writer had dipped into my head and described my experience putting young Dorothy to bed every night. I was floored with identification. What was even better — she had a solution that worked. Kim West, a.k.a., The Sleep Lady.

At the time, way back in 2003, Kim only had a pamphlet that I quickly purchased. Using the magazine article and that pamphlet, I began employing her methods. She is big on assessing the personality style of your individual child (yeah! personality type matters with sleep stuff!) I remember the pediatrician telling me that Dorothy was unusually alert — and that would be her to this day. The Sleep Lady was the first sleep specialist I read who not only took kids’ personalities into account, but also adresssed how hard it was to let them cry in a dark room by themselves. And she had a solution. Let them cry with you by their side in the dark room. A couple of long nights lying next to a Pac N’ Play and Dorothy started sleeping for more than two hours in a row for the first time ever. Within a week she was sleeping through.

But then I got pregnant. Exhausted, I fell into old patterns, lying down with Dorothy every night. Then Meredith was born and she would scream bloody murder if I put her down in her crib, so I um, was going a little crazy. By that point I had the book, but was too sleep deprived to know where or who to start with. So I hired her. It’s a bargain compared to the sleeplessness and desperation! I filled out a form, spent the equivalent of a dinner for two in NYC, had an 90 minute initial phone session and then made a date to get started.

First off, through the questionnaire I realized that Meredith actually had a mild form of reflux, which I had unknowingly treated by keeping her upright in a swing. A trip to the pediatrician and some Prevacid and she was lying flat no problem. We worked on Meredith first as she was still in a crib, and she would scream worse if I was in the room with her, so I left that little sweetie pie alone and she drifted off with no issues. Then we got Dorothy back on track with the Sleep Lady shuffle, which involves 3 days by the bed, 3 days by the door, etc. until she was going to sleep on her own. And every morning I would have positive reinforcement from phone sessions with Kim. Like a sleep whisperer for parents!

Now I do believe sleep training comes easier to the practical personality types like Classics and Funs, but the Organic Structures and Smart Structures are going to perhaps drift towards it more because they need structure in their outside world. You would think that the types who make subjective, value based systems would have a harder time with the crying, but I think there are just too many factors that come from our childhoods to make any blanket statements about that. How you were raised, how you liked being raised, and how you think children should be raised now are much more powerful influencers than anything else personality type wise when it comes to kids crying alone in dark rooms.

Kelly and I are opposite personality types and we both like to sleep alone, we were also raised the same way, liked how we were raised and have pretty similiar values when it comes to childrearing. So the key is to listen to your inner voice and own it. If your instinct is telling you to sleep with the kid and you are able to function then relax and enjoy! But if you feel guilty and are only letting them sleep with you out of exhaustion and desperation, then give The Sleep Lady a whirl. 

Originally published on November 8, 2010.