My Sister-In-Law is a Beyatch
Dear Katie & Kelly,
My brother married a bitch. Can I be honest with him? I want to remain friends with him but I just can’t take her or spending time with her. My other brother’s wife is awesome so I KNOW it’s not me. I’m a Fun Freedom.
Sincerely,
Desperate in Danville
Dear Desperate,
We know tons of people who tell it like it is. They can’t help it or if they manage to bite their tongue it’s a temporary measure before a deluge. But, you wouldn’t be asking us if you thought doing so would accomplish your goal of being friends with your brother. Remember, he chose to spend the rest of his life with this gal so unless he’s asking your opinion about her then you’re giving him unsolicited advice, which always goes down like hotcakes … not!
With your end goal in mind, our advice — and you’re not going to like it — is to permanently bite your tongue on this one. Given your strong sentiments above, your brother and his wife probably know how you feel. Regardless of your personality type, it’s hard to mask those kinds of feelings. Dude, remember, we all went to junior high. We know when a girl doesn’t like us even if we’re a “mean girl”.
Try taking the tough route … killing your sister-in-law with kindness and if she doesn’t respond as sweetly as you’d like, don’t make assumptions (hard!), don’t take it personally (almost impossible!), let it roll of your back (next to impossible!) and try being even kinder despite her behavior (technically impossible!). You’d be surprised what real kindness and forgiveness can melt over time — and yes it could take decades. We might have lost you already but think about the alternative which is occasionally being cold or bitchy back to her. If that’s all you can muster, so be it. It’s just not likely a road your brother will travel with you on for very long as your friend.
Many of us assume our siblings will automatically always be our friends. But being friends with an adult sibling is like any other friendship, a privilege grown out of mutual respect and thoughtfulness.
Sincerely,
Katie & Kelly
P.S. And yes, we’d give the same advice to your sister-in-law if she wrote to us.