Peas in a Pod

I have a running joke that as an adult the only close friends I’ve made are the same personality type as me, Classic Freedom (SFJ). Oh, I go out on a limb every once in a while and pick up an Organic Structure (NFJ) or a Classic Structure (STJ) but in general, I could count on one hand the amount of friends I have with extremely different personality type. Heck, I even married someone with essentially the same personality type.

I gravitate to people like me because it’s easier to spend time with likeminded folks. The people I choose to have in my life are structured and get things done like me. So we make advance plans to get together. We return calls and emails in reasonable amounts of time or offer apologies for not doing so. We understand each other’s desires for routines and know that if one of us is out of touch then there’s a very good reason. In fact, the past two times that my Organic Structure best friend didn’t return my call for over a week, she was in the hospital after a horrendous attack of the flu.

But, the other reason I surround myself with likeminded folks is it validates my approach to life. Friends with similar personality types get each other in a way that very different personality types don’t. You can gossip and easily judge how “completely mad” other types are for the wacky (read unlike yours) approaches to life safe in your smugness that your approach is the best way.

Plus, we have less disagreements and miscommunications because we’re so often on the same page. This is true whether you’re two Classic Freedoms or two Organic Freedoms (NFPs). According to my sister Katie — an Organic Freedom —she can sometimes go a year without calling a good friend. She meant it as an illustration for how Classics and other more time structured folks — Organic Structures (NFJ) and Smart Structures (NTJ) — could learn to give allowances to Organic Freedoms friends. Seriously? Once a year? Good lord. Pick up the freaking phone or send a quick email! It’s not as if I talk to my close Classic Freedom friends everyday or even once every few months but even the ones I’m least in touch with, we send out little smoke signals — birthday salutes and quick emails or voicemails just to say “Hi.” It’s really not that much effort and since we do it reciprocally, we end up feeling closer to each other even if we only really talk, talk once a year or less. 

But Organic Freedom to Organic Freedom? They don’t operate like Classic Freedoms. The Organic Freedom wouldn’t feel angst throughout the year about not having tried to touch base with another Organic Freedom but might feel more angst to do so with a Classic Freedom friend. The once a year drive-by would be welcomed and completely understood amongst two Organic Freedoms. They wouldn’t even question the time-lag and you’d seamlessly catch-up without the distance you might feel trying to reconnect with a Classic Freedom. So you can see why sometimes like with like friendships are just a little bit easier. A little more effortless. And this is why it doesn’t surprise me that the only close Organic Freedom friends I have I was essentially born with.