Routine Versus Ritual

Some personality types have an easier time with routines than others — oh say me, a Classic Freedom (SFJ) who works out on the same days almost every week versus my sister, Katie, an Organic Freedom (NFP) who every once in a while starts a new routine only to break it within a few weeks. Recently, I had an epiphany about why some routines stick and others fall to the wayside even IF you’re a routine lover like myself. Routines that stick are not simply routines but rituals. Light bulb. The trick to getting a routine to stick, regardless of whether you’re more like me or Katie, is to find something that can become a ritual.

Think about it. Even if you are not a routine lover like me, or a Classic (SJ), Organic Structure (NFJ) or Smart Structure, you likely have rituals you do everyday, right? Maybe you wake up and brush your teeth or floss every other night or drink coffee or get the same alternating breakfast, one cruller donut every other day oatmeal and a banana the other days. Or you go to the same cafe for your morning coffee and nibble. Or you eat at a certain restaurant when you’re visiting home or after a ballgame. The point is to analyze the rituals in your life, the ones that make you feel weird or unsettled if you don’t do them and try to pick apart what makes them ingrained in you.

There are usually multiple reasons they’re ritual — you did it as a kid so it’s part of the fabric of who you are and/or you love crullers and the oatmeal balances out the donut days as you still haven’t gotten fat from this habit and/or it’s not everyday but every other day giving you a break in between. For some people, it perhaps has to be done everyday to become a ritual. But to others the very notion of everyday kills something before it starts. Or maybe it’s the reason behind why you’re doing the routine that needs to be real to you. The trick to steady routines is studying your rituals and the meaning behind them.

I used to never floss because it just wasn’t something I grew up doing. As I got older, this no flossing showed and many a dentist told me I’d end up with gum disease if I didn’t start. But as the years continued to pass even this threat wasn’t enough to start a new routine. It wasn’t until I read an article that said gum disease could be one of the contributing factors to heart disease that I started flossing because heart disease runs in my family. At first I did it every night. But then I stopped again. For some reason, every night was just too much of a burden for me — I have this pain in the patootie retainer affixed to my top and bottom front teeth in the back so flossing takes forever. So, I decided to start doing it every other night. And voila, I’ve been flossing for years and have healthy teeth and gums. Sometimes I even stop flossing on vacation just to give myself a break and knowing I have this break every once in awhile makes me floss on the nights I just want to forget and get to bed 5 minutes earlier. Man I love sleep.

My epiphany about routines came out of a conversation with my career coach — yes, I might be a “get it done” personality type but everyone can get stymied sometimes (for me, finishing our book) — and nothing beats my career coach, Stephen Carr, in helping me remove obstacles. He’s amazing or my new favorite unofficial word, amazeballs. I was trying to figure out how to get our book proposal out the door before June and this involved getting a steady writing routine down. We started examining routines that were tough at first and then stuck — hence my flossing story — to see what aspects of these routines or rituals made them stick. Despite my love of routine, one of the main things that helps me keep rituals is not having them everyday. I love routines but I hate the same routine everyday with the exception of my morning coffee. I might eat the same breakfasts but I like to rotate the sameness.

Even if you think there is no pattern to things you do, start noticing. My sister who appears routine-less to my judgmental Classic Freedom (SFJ) eye DOES have routines. I think she flosses every night! The next time you’re trying to start a new routine and having trouble, start thinking about what obstacles there are but more importantly start thinking about how and why the rituals you have came to be so. This is Pixie advice that can actually help you regardless of your personality type.