The Help

I have an Organic Freedom (NFP) friend who has recently been relegated to her bed as she recovers from a major illness. Up until this enforced bed rest she had a pretty well-oiled tidy home for a working mom of three. I know, it’s hard for some of you Classic (SJ) judgers (ahem, Kelly) to believe, but their are plenty of Organic Freedoms (NFPs) who are able to keep their house neat and clean even if it comes more naturally to Classics (SJs) and Funs (SPs). Just because Organic Freedoms can put up with a mess longer than Classics and Funs and their homes might be a bit rougher around the edges in style, it doesn’t mean they actually like disorganization. My friend’s home is in despair because even though she has lots of help, without her physically moving through every room to direct things like the force of nature she is, the organized machine has ground to a halt.

My friend’s first solution, which is actually a typical Organic (NF) and Smart (NT) big picture, inventive trait, was to shop for a magical organizational product that would solve all her problems. How many times have you gone to Lowes, Home Depot or The Container Store in hopes that just purchasing “stuff” will get you organized. Don’t feel bad, as these guys have successfully built a business model around this impulse of ours. But instead my friend called to berate me for posting a photo of those cool ceramic boxes with hooks attached from a previous post because she couldn’t find a place to purchase them anywhere and she desperately needed them because her entranceway catch all system for keys and important out the door items had been taken over by EVERYTHING, because no one who was helping her knew her system — the piano by the entranceway was only for keys, wallets, and small out the door in a moment’s notice things.

Now, while I think we can all agree that those ceramic boxes are really cool, we have yet to be able to find a retailer that will sell them to us. The real issue, however, isn’t in the inability to find these boxes, but a a bigger and more serious two fold problem. First, many of us middle class Americans were never shown how to manage a household staff because of the legacy of the Great Depression, WWII and the whole fifties housewife thing couples with our Puritan, Pioneer, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, American, immigrant work ethic. The second is that my friend had organizational systems that were working. Before her illness, everyone in the household was more or less keeping to them and they had happened organically over time and when something was out of place my friend was there to put it back in it’s home. But without her physical maintenance, and without formalized (obvious) structure around her systems — definitely an Organic (NF) and Smart (NT) issue — no one else had any idea that there was a system at all and so just started doing the best they could to stack the constant flow wherever there was an open surface.

She’s going to be annoyed at me when she reads this and was already annoyed when I suggested that before she find a new solution for the keys that she needed to first invest in a label maker. It’s not something we suggest for any type that’s living alone, but in a multiple household? It’s a necessity regardless of your type. And frankly, it’s just the first step. You also need to reinforce these systems with verbal and written communication depending on the personality types and ages of the people with whom you are living. More than once. Sometimes you have to actually get a little mean, or rather firm. It might feel like you’re being mean if you’re an Organic (NF), Classic Freedom (SFJ) or a Fun Freedom (SFP), but it might take a number of repeated conversations and house meetings about the organizational systems in the house until you can get everyone on board. And this means The Help, too. And if the Help are being paid? They will tend to do a lot better job doing what you’ve asked.

So for my bedridden friend, not only does she need to tell someone exactly what all her systems were, where everything should belong, and have someone put back everything into its natural place, she needs to have someone create labels to reinforce the systems. Then create a master list since there are so many people coming in and out of her house helping her in her time of need. Even the stupidest things like where the glasses, forks and snack plates go need to have labels. The piano needs to be cleaned off, labeled, and a master sheet of where everything goes needs to be created. Seriously. Frankly, I think she needs to fly me out there immediately so I can take care of this issue for her, but I digress. Once she gets things back where they belong, has labels and master list, what she also needs — and I have a feeling that once things are back in order her mom might be the perfect person for this task — is someone who can take over her role as “The Enforcer” (Or Lady of the House) who makes sure things stay or get put back in their proper place.

Now for those of us that are ambulatory and in multiple households many of the same things apply regardless of type. We need to communicate with “The Help” paid or otherwise in terms of what we expect, what we want, and where we like to keep things. One of The Pixies’ biggest pieces of advice that once again I shouldn’t be giving away for free is that you should formalize your natural organizational tendencies. For my friend that meant keys ended up on the piano so she put a little bowl there and made sure as “The Enforcer”, other crap didn’t end up in it. Now what if there were a label there that said, “KEYS ONLY” and if you’re an Organic, Classic Freedom, or Smart Freedom the label could say “Keys Only, Please.”

Now no one can foresee when they might have to take to their bed for an extended period of time, but labels, master lists and verbal reinforce are the key to keeping The Help in line. If you watch Downton Abbey, think of yourself as a strange yet comforting combination of The Countess of Grantham, Mr. Carson, and Mrs. Hughes and start giving orders, with their politesse and grace, of course.